Tuesday, March 31, 2009

April 1st?

So if I suddenly go *POOF* and cease to exist in cyber-land you know I fell victim
to the nefarious 'Cornficker' worm.

Hide your women, children and laptops folks. Lock your doors and draw the curtains.

I hope to still be here, un-infected on April 02/09.

Fare thee well my friends, and I'll see you on the 'other side'

Thanks for the memories :)

{and if I am infected....I'm stealing all your banking information} Mua-hahaha!

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Family Day

I had my first Sunday off in a while and the weather was beautiful so we headed out to the beach.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words..

Little J and Tahoe in the car

At the beach



Gooey-duck squirting

Big J caught 'crabs'

Tahoe on the beach

Stop taking my picture Mom!

Tuckered out and heading home

And a treat.. the elusive Mama J caught on camera

Friday, March 27, 2009

Mom Does Not Approve.

First words out of my Mom's mouth today "What the hell happened to your hair?"

Followed by "Oh my God you got a dog! Are you crazy"? Gee thanks Mom....

And you wonder why months go by before I invite you over? {and drink copious amounts of alcohol when you get here}

Dear Husband Part 3

Dear Husband,

DO NOT put the dog's shampoo in the same place mine is. I will end up using it.
Should you do this again I will be forced to put the tube of Prep-H in your toothpaste holder.

My coat is nice and shiny and my head smells like a Milk Bone.


Your Dog-er..Wife.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

And this is why.....

......God makes puppies, kittens and babies so damn cute. It's so you don't try to stuff them in a closet.

Never having had a puppy before I really had no idea what lay in store for me.
It can't be harder than a baby right? Right?


Holy crapola this little fur-ball has me working hard. Up every 2 hours to let her out to pee. Standing in the dark backyard, plastic bag in hand calling "Go poops Tahoe, go poops" at 5am in the pouring rain is not my idea of a good time.

She gets so excited when let out of the kitchen that she promptly pees on the hardwood floors, even if she was just outside. She does understand that in the kitchen she she pees on the pad...the pads are exactly like the ones they use in the hospital after surgery etc. Sheesh, had I known that 5 years after having my c-section that I might need some of those pads, I would have 'borrowed' some. {yes I am a packrat}

At least I can finally use the baby-gate we got as a shower present 5 years ago. Not having stairs we never needed it till now.

The 2 previous furry rulers of the household are not liking the new addition. The Boys have been bug-eyed and puffed-up for days now. And what is it with cats moving in s.l.o.w. m.o.t.i.o.n. when they are freaked out? Do they think they become invisible? Of course puppy wants to play when she sees them and bounds up, a wriggling bundle of energy, and wonders why the cats are no so receptive. Soon enough she'll get the idea that a hissing kitty does not want to play.

But oh my goodness... she is adorable and sweet. Big J had already taught her to sit. And she does..every single time. My dog is a genius.

We have introduced to the neighbours dogs. One is a 4 month old pittbull who is very nice and the other one is some sort of black dog that looks like a hairy pig. They all play quite well together.

Tahoe also had a half-brother in the neighbourhood who is 6 months older. Same dad different moms. I noticed the other dog at the school yard and started chit-chatting with the owner. Turns out we got the dogs from the same breeder.

If you have made it this far in my puppy-love induced rambling...I will reward you with some pictures. :)


My folks do not know about the puppy. I invited them to come over on Friday to help me 'work in the garden/flower beds'. My mom is going to shit her pants. Maybe Tahoe will pee on her. I shoud be so lucky.


I just finished waxing the hardwoods...poor puppy gets ZERO traction now and just sort of collapses on the floor. And then she looks up at you with the "WTF?" look and whimpers. That will teach her for peeing on my floor. :)


Little J is 'helping' Big J build a doghouse. I hear yelling {Big J} and crying {Little J}. I think it's going well.


The neighbours pig/dog won't go home. He's been watching me eat dinner for 20mins.
It creeps me out


Wednesday, March 25, 2009

I am still here.....

I know I haven't posted in days. And I know you are all anxiously awaiting something new and exciting from me {perhaps not but it makes me feel better to think so!}

Between Tahoe keeping me up all night, working a crazy schedule this week, a session of barfing in the bathroom, and a host of other things, I have had no time. I haven't had a chance to read anyones blog either. Hell, I can't remember if I brushed my teeth lately.

*this is the point where you all say "Oh you poor girl! Go home sick from work today, leave little J at daycare, put the puppy in the shed, take a large amount of Pepto-Bismal and go to bed!*

Did I mention the blinding headache and other 'womanly' ailments?


//end pity-party rant

Have a wonderful Wednesday!

Sunday, March 22, 2009

It's a Girl!

This is why I haven't posted all weekend!

Isn't she just the cutest thing EVER!?!?

Her name is Tahoe-Girl. {Lake} Tahoe is a special place for us as Big J was conceived there, his sister got married there, we got married there and Little J was conceived there during our honeymoon. :)

I know less about puppies than I did about babies so this should be interesting.

Big Kitty and Freaky Kitty are not pleased with the new addition to the family. I'm hoping they'll get over their hissy fit soon.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Free to a Good Home!

The following items are available. They are 'AS IS' and there is a NO RETURN policy.

Any mis-representation is accidental and is not grounds for returns/lawsuits.

First come, first served. Hurry they will go fast! {I hope}

Item 1: Husband.

Husband is quite handy around the house and can build stuff. {no electrical work please}. He has been housebroken, does his own laundry and loads the dishwasher correctly. Husband is gone from May to October for fishing season. Bad habits include
excessive snoring, stinky feet and he thinks farting is funny. Husband does not talk to strangers.

Item 2: Child

Child is a very sweet and polite young man. He says 'please' and 'thank-you' as he's stealing cookies from the jar. Child can amuse himself for hours with a stick and ball of twine. Child is inquisitive and WILL ask a thousand questions. Child refuses to eat vegetables and can throw the most impressive tantrums. This child is a master manipulator and you will find yourself giving in to his latest Bakugan request. Child suffers from stinky feet {see husband, it's genetic} and thinks farting is funny. When the mood strikes, Child can be a cuddle-bunny. Child will apologize if he barfs all over you. Child will talk to strangers.

Item 3: Big Kitty

Big Kitty is a big lump of furry fun. Big Kitty sleeps approx. 23hrs a day. He is quite tempermental and will either smother you in purring happiness or bite you if feeling cranky. We do not recommend using this kitty for rodent control as he will just sit there and watch the action. Big Kitty must drink out of the bathtub. Big Kitty will try to sleep on your head and he gets beat up a lot by Freaky Kitty. Big Kitty enjoys running through the house howling his damn head off at 4am.

Item 4: Freaky Kitty

Freaky Kitty is the cat you'll never know is there. Freaky Kitty spends most of his time hanging out in the closet. He is very clean and will flip out if you touch him after he has finished his excessive grooming ritual. Freaky Kitty insists on eating people food and will steal anything left un-attended on your plate. He must also have a splash of milk whenever the fridge is opened. Has the un-canny ability to determine if the can on the counter is tuna or soup before you even open it. He will become violent if picked up and cuddled. Does not play well with others.

Item 5: Random Raccoon

This fun, furry guy lives in Husband's hockey bag out in the shed. He is quite tame and has no problems coming up on the deck to tease the Kitties. He enjoys tearing open garbage bags and eating the kitty litter {gross I know}. He does keep our yard free of rodent-type populations. Not afraid of humans as he keeps coming back even after having the garden hose turned on him. Persistant.

I am willing to pay shipping/handling fees for the right offer. I can have any item over-nighted express post. Overseas may take a few days.

Please reply if interested!

~~~~~~~~~I am willing to trade the above items as a package deal for a dog~~~~~~~~~~~

Wednesday, March 18, 2009


Number of times I heard the word "MOMMY" today...


I'm not kidding, I counted.

No wonder I have a headache

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Happy St. Patricks Day!

This is about a green as this good German boy gets. :)

May the Luck of the Irish bless you this day. And watch out for mischievous Leprechauns laying the beat down with their shillelaghs.

ETA: Best viewed on a 22' monitor to fully experience my kids green cuteness :)

Monday, March 16, 2009

Fun Times!

As you probably figured out from my Dead Bunnies post, I like to find odd things to amuse me while at work.

My last amusement was Avril Lavigne. For those that may not know Avril is some upstart Canadian Rocker Chick. {Google if you like, go ahead, I’ll wait….}

So anyways, we had a life-size cardboard cutout of Avril for a Rebel Camera promotion we were running. Avril freaked me out all the time as I would catch her out of the corner of my eye on the sales floor. The promotion ends and poor Avril is destined for the cardboard baler until……..

I get an idea

A fantastic, deliciously evil idea.

Every time I worked the closing shift {and that week I closed 3 nights in a row} I was going to leave Avril someplace unexpected to freak the be-jeebus out of the opening manager.

Night 1.. Avril was lying in wait in the GM office, right in front of the door. I turned the lights off so the opening manager would turn on the lights and BAM! There’s Avril.

Night 2 .. Avril was tucked behind the recycling bin in the corner by the lunchroom. As the opening manager {a different one} came down the hall, rounded the corner BAM! There’s Avril

Night 3…Avril was hanging out in our front cash office, sort of tucked between the safe and filing cabinet. BAM! There’s Avril. {got the 3rd manager this time}

On Day 4 I was informed that poor poor Avril was no more. She had been baled. *sob*
I was even shown her flattened cardboard body.

On Day 5 I opened. Walked into the front cash office, opened the safe and ACK! There was Avril’s head sitting in my safe. I damn near peed my pants. I was got good.

I decided to retire Avril and she is now happily hanging out above the whiteboard in the office.

My fellow managers were relieved.

I am once again bored.

I only wish I had pictures.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Give it a minute, it's going to space!

A good friend sent me a YouTube clip of some guy on a late show program. Sorry but the fine details escape me at this time. Anyhowdywho, the guy was commenting on how impatient, ungrateful and unimpressed we, as people, are.

We live in the ME! ME! ME! instant gratification life. Everything is convenient, everything is NOW.

We live in a time of amazing technological advancements and we can't appreciate the wonder that surrounds us and contributes to our life.

Think back 20 years and try to remember what our everyday goings on were like...

Telephones.... 20 years ago, your phone was not only attached to the wall by a cord but the handset was also attached to the base by.a.cord! You were limited to how far away you could wander by the stretchiness of said cord. I remember many conversations in the hallway closet for privacy. God help ya if you dropped the handset because it would go shooting through the room like a rocket. DUCK!

You had to actually DIAL the number on a big round disc. You hated people with zero's in their number. There was no such thing as call waiting, call display, call forwarding. The phone would ring, you'd take your chances and answer it and if you weren't home, Oh well...they'd call back later. If you were already on the phone your caller would hear a BUSY SIGNAL *GASP*

I remember my first cell phone. It was HUGE! And ridiculously expensive. And all it did was make phone calls. But only if you were standing directly beneath the cell tower.

There was no texting. If you wanted to tell your friend something, you'd pass them a note in class. Or wait until you got home and phoned them {if the line wasn't already busy}

Got a funny picture of your friends barfing up jello shots at the weekend bush-party?
Gee you have to finish the roll of film, take it in for developing and wait a few days to pick it up. No posting to Facebook before the barf stops steaming.

You see people getting pissed off because they haven't got a crystal clear signal when speaking with someone or it take a few minutes to receive a text or message. WTF? You are sitting on a beach in Mexico talking and sending pictures to your Aunt in Cleveland. The damn signal is going to space, give it a minute!

TV...300 channels and nothing on. 20 years ago there were 13 channels. You had to actually walk up to the TV to turn the channel or adjust the volume. If you weren't home to watch a show, you'd miss it and wait for the re-run in about 6 months. TV's were pretty in their fancy consoles and the 12" took up very little room. If you were lucky, you wouldn't have to make geeky Cousin Lily hold the rabbit ears so you could get a good signal for Hockey Night in Canada.

Music...Remember 8 tracks {ok so maybe thats more than 20 years ago}. I sure remember getting my first portable ghetto blaster. It had 2 tape decks so I could tape from one to the other. Now you can download THOUSANDS of songs and video's to Ipods that fit into your pocket.

Computers/Internet. I remember my first computer. It was a Texas Instruments. I'd spend HOURS typing in code to make a coloured blob move across the black screen.
Only big important people had a computer. And only the geeks and freaks took computers in high school. If you had to type something out, you'd borrow your moms typewriter.

Video Games. Ugh remember when Asteroids was Da Bomb? Could you have ever imagined playing something like Wii? I think not.

Screw Google, you want information? You had to go to the library and look it up in the encyclopedia. People actually had to think for themselves.

To communicate with your family overseas you typed a letter and dropped it in the mail. It got there 10 days later.

Air travel. We love to bitch about air travel. Delays, small seats, cheap meals, stinky bathrooms etc. But think about it for a minute.. You are sitting on a chair 40,000 feet in the air and traveling at 400MPH. What a bloody fantastic thing! And all you can think about is that your blanket is scratchy and you've already seen the in-flight movie.

I worry that too much technology is a bad thing. People have stopped thinking for themselves, they've stopped communicating face-to-face, they are fat and out of shape.

If we, God-forbid, had a catastrophic event that forced us to go back to living off the land {think Little House on The Prairie} How many of Generation Me would survive?

Would they be able to catch fish? Hunt game? Build shelter? Start a fire? Milk a cow?
Grow food?

We've done and seen amazing things with technology but what happens when the plug gets pulled and the world goes dark?

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Got my head fixed!

So some may recall the incredibly stupid thing I did about 6 weeks ago when in a fit of PMS madness/depression I decided to colour my hair. Not so unusual as I have coloured my hair for the last 20 years. But this time it went horribly wrong.

First of all, I dye my hair blonde. I used the same colour for many years and then the bastards went and discontinued it. So I was left adrift in a sea of shades and options. My last blonde colour was a platinum blonde.

At Christmas I decided to go light auburn. It turned out ok and I really like it. Which got me thinking..I could do this whole dark funky red thing. It's gotta be easier than keeping up the blonde. WRONG!

In February I picked up a box of beautiful Cinneberry Auburn. It was gorgeous on the box, not so much in my hair.

The first couple of inches of my hair were a fabulous red and the midshaft of my hair was BLACK!!! Oh it was horrible. I cried. Big J cursed. Little J asked "Why Mommy Why?"

It was a semi-permanent colour so it should have washed out in 28 shampoos. HELL NO!
6 weeks later and colour was still staining my towels.

Hubby had bought me a 'hair colour' for Valentines Day and today I used it.

The hairdresser had a good laugh at my story, tears streaming down her face when I asked if I could go straight back to blonde. My only alternative was to hack off what I could and blend in the rest.

I'm quite pleased with the end result. I don't look like "me" yet but its getting better.


You can clearly see the black sections in my hair


Very short and colourful

So hows that for a post about nothing? Seinfeld would be proud

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Dead Bunnies

I kill Bunnies.

And Reindeer.

And I like it!!!!

Chocolate ones that is. :)

You know the Lindt Gold ones with the bell around the neck that come out at Xmas and Easter. Ya, those are the ones I mutilate and eat.

Of course, I just can't take one off display, shred the tinfoil in a frenzy and chow down. I have to ensure said chocolate is 'un-saleable'.

I try to be creative in my attempt to render the poor chocolate treats un-saleable.

At Xmas I had several Rudolfs attempt to fly off the top of the service register, only to crash to the ground and shatter into tiny bite-size pieces. And by 'fly' I really mean 'hurl violently'.

Still more somehow got run over by wild, out of control shopping carts.

It's a sad sight, it truly is.

So far, 4 bunnies have mysteriously met with an untimely demise and 1 has even been held for ransom. A note was left on the GM desk with the bunnies bell and a demand for 1 million dollars. Unfortunately, the demands of the ransom were not met and the bunny didn't make it.

Today I crushed one in the automatic doors. It was yummy.

Does this make me a bad person, or just someone who plays inappropriately with food?

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Leave yer poo at home!

I thought I had seen it all when it come to poo. I had dogs growing up and I was on doo-doo cleanup. I have cats and do the litter. I've changed diapers and I have a husband who visits his 'throne' several times a day.

Now poo in public is a different story. At work I mean. I've plunged plugged toilets.{and I'm quite good at it} Once I even had to clean up dog crap in my aisles during back to school chaos

But what happened today really really really blows my little mind.

On Sunday morning someone, somehow, broke the toilet in the men's public washroom at work. Really broke. As in broke it off it's base and tilted it onto it's side. Nice huh?

We tape it off with an Out Of Order sign and put in for a service call.

Fast forward to today. Hot Plumber-dude shows up to fix the afore mentioned toilet.

I point him in the direction of the john, stare at his butt as he walks away and go about my duties.

Hot Plumber-dude comes back a few minutes later, ashen faced. He asks "Do you know what's in there?"

I reply "Um a broken toilet?" batting my eyelashes {it's much harder to flirt as a brunette by the way...}

He responds with "Ya, a broken toilet, full of excrement and toilet paper up to the rim and seeping onto the floor."


It's not like they could have used it by accident... the Out of Order sign, the tape across the stall door, the toilet broken off it's base and lying on it's side. The lack of flushing. It could not have been more obvious that that toilet was not ready for pooping!

What the hell is wrong with some people!


Kudos to Hot Plumber Dude for not barfing all over the floor as he cleaned that un-holy mess up. $800 later and I have a working, flushing, upright toilet.

Did I mention that Hot Plumber Dude is really cute? As in run-away-together-and-make-beautiful-plumber-babies cute?? Le Sigh.

Yin and Yang my friends. Yin and Yang.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Will you marry us Please?

I need a wife.

This is the only conclusion I could come to after much contemplation {and beer}.

I am not domesticated. AT.ALL.

I hate cleaning...the house looks good but don't open a closet.

I hate cooking...most of my meals come in a box

I hate laundry...again, don't open the closet door

I hate the 'wife' expectations.

I work longer hours than Mr. Wonderful. He gets home from work earlier than me 80% of the time. He sits on the couch surfing Craigs List looking for the perfect Suburban for the motor sitting in my shed. The Kid is eating cookies and watching cartoons.

I am expected to start dinner, tidy up, prepare lunches/backpacks, serve dinner, clean up after dinner, bath the child, get him ready for bed, read bedtime stories etc. Then I have to take care of the household running- paying bills and whatever else comes up.

Mr. Wonderful goes back to surfing Craigs List.

I need someone who LIKES to do all that stuff so *I* can sit on the couch and surf the internet too. I would do all the fun things like playing with my kid. I might even have the time and energy to shave my legs, wax my eyebrows and shower.

Hubby appears to like the idea too as he seems to think he might get sex on a more regular basis from someone who might actually be awake. :)

I would have someone to girl-talk with. Sitting on the couch in the clean living room, drinking tea and chatting late into the evening.

I'm not the jealous type. I could handle it. I would embrace it.

Now where would I find such a wondeful woman? And how would I have to pay her?

The Gods Must Be Crazy...

Today we had some wild weather.

At 2pm, I was outside without a jacket, It was about 10C and the sun was shining. I was playing with the macro setting with my camera...

And by 4pm we had this...

And this guy ended up in my backyard...

I can't wait for summer!

Saturday, March 7, 2009

What's that girl? Timmy's in the well again?!

We are looking for a dog. One would assume getting an animal would be an easy thing.
Not so my friends. To acquire a dog in an ethical humane manner, you are forced to jump through hoops and perform tricks.

We refuse to buy from a pet store, out of the newspaper and cannot afford to go to a breeder. We want to 'adopt' from a shelter/SPCA/Rescue.

We're not picky, we know we're looking for a bigger dog. Lab/Retriever/Shepard mixes and mutts are welcome.

We spent the day at a local shelter meeting some of the dogs. Oh it broke my heart to be there. I wanted to take them ALL home. Big, Little, Skittish, Loud, didn't matter. I wanted to rescue them all.

My hubby, whose heart is normally 2 sizes too small has a real soft spot for animals and it is amazing to see him with them. Makes me fall in love with him all over again. {Now if only he could pet me that way..} But I digress....

We found a pure-bred German Shepard named Annie who is just gorgeous! We played and walked her and watched how she interacted with Little J. She would need some obedience training but other than that she was good.

So we get to the 5 page adoption application. Holy Shyte! I cannot believe how much information they want! I don't know the answers to most of the questions!

It was less complicated to walk out of the hospital with our human child.

Scary huh?

Keep your fingers crossed that we find 'our' dog. :)

The Great Hamburger Incident

With kids, you pick your battles. There is just too much the little trouble-makers do that if you harped on everything, you'd have no time to breathe.

The Battle I picked last night was 'Eating what is on your plate'. I do not run a short order kitchen. I do not make 3 different meals. I do try and cook food that at least 2 out of 3 people living in this house will enjoy. Little J decided that he didn't want to eat the hamburger he asked for. Suddenly he was allergic, and the hamburger was too chewy. After listening to Mr. Whiney-Butt complain about his dinner long after his daddy and I were already finished, I decided to bring out the big guns

I got mad and uttered these words

... You will NOT leave the table until you eat all your hamburger!

I had just broken the cardinal rule of parenting. NEVER, EVER, NEVER challenge your child over food. They are stubborn little beasts and no matter how strong you think you are...you WILL lose. I wish I had the will-power of a pre-schooler in a tantrum.

We had tears, we had all out hysterics, we had pleading, we had drama. I moved him into the kitchen, nothing to distract him, no one to talk too. He sat there for HOURS! All he had to do was eat some hamburger and he would be excused. Do you think he did?

Hell No!

He was falling asleep in his chair but still refused to eat.

And then it happened. Mommy caved. Yes folks, the Little Darling won. 3.5hrs of listening to him wore me out. It was bedtime so I excused him and sent him straight to bed.

And what lesson did it teach? That next time he only has to avoid eating the hamburger for 3.75hrs before being excused. Today it's hamburger, tomorrow it will be tattoos and curfews. Some days I suck at this parenting gig. I can only pray that I don't turn him into a psychopathic serial killer. Then I'd really feel like crap.

Friday, March 6, 2009

Friday Night Lights

Geez, Bum-stickers are a hard act to follow huh... anything after that just seems so....ordinary.

The world is going to shit. Last time I checked Google Earth, I was NOT living in Detroit or Compton but somehow I have managed to live in/near Gang Capital of Canada.
This week alone, there have been 9 shootings {5 in one day}. One of these shootings happened right across the street from where I work. {!} I have no issue at all if these scumbag gang phucks want to blow each others brains out but when they start doing it in public places where innocent people are... that's just crazy shit. One of the shootings 2 or 3 weeks ago was the wife of a gang guy..she was shot in the head driving down the street and her 4 year old was in the backseat!!! Thank god the kid was unhurt. What the hell is happening to my city!?!? It makes me afraid to go out with my kid. I don't want to live in fear and I don't want Little J to be afraid either. Maybe now would be a good time to move to the country. Buy some acreage on a lake, open a fishing/guiding business and live off the land. I'd only have to worry about being mistaken for a deer and shot.

I was reading a study today that suggests that optimistic women were 30% less likely to die from disease than optimistic women. Great, so not only am I the Debbie-Downer of the party, now I'm 70% more likely to die sooner and horribly. That is just bloody lovely. I have nothing to look forward too.

I'm very bitter about the fact that I lose a precious hour of sleep Saturday night. Do these people not know that I have to work early Sunday morning and that hour early shit is gonna push the cranky meter waaaaay past 'Bitch' to
Watch and learn people, watch and learn.

AAAAAAAAAND... It's going to freakin snow tomorrow. WTF!?! It was a fabulous 10C today with beautiful crisp sunshine. My crocus' are starting to bloom {3 yellow and 2 purple ones coming up}, my cherry tree has little tiny bloom buds and there is various other green stuff growing in my flower bed. And it's going to snow. Yes I tend flower beds. No laughing please. This year I may actually try to grow stuff in my garden, like lettuce, tomatoes, potatoes, sunflower plants etc. Little J loves to dig in the dirt and plants rocks all the time.

Oh.. I just saw a kid on TV about 5 years old sucking on a soother! Yikes.....

TV is the devil. Or at least Tele-toon is. Little J asked what day it was tomorrow. I told him it was Saturday an he replied "Oh good, I can eat candy and watch cartoons all day just like Johnny" WTH? I asked "Who?" and was told "Mommy, Johnny with the talking dog on TV" Hate to break it to ya kid... this is real life,you will not be eating candy and watching TV all day {ok, maybe a little but no candy} you are not animated and Johnny will die of a heart attack from too much junk food and lack of exercise.

Must go and attend to Little J who has suddenly decided that he is 'allergic' to hamburger/rice/corn...everything we are having for supper tonight.

I realize that you have now lost about 5 mins of your life that you will never get back and for that, I sincerely apologize.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

From the Mouth of Babes

I love my child but there are times when I wish I had never taught the little buggar to speak.

I went to go pick up Mr. I-Got-All-Dat-And-A-Pack-Of-Gum from daycare today. I am in my usual discombobulated state of mind, thinking about a million things at once and I trip over my kid in the class foyer. Kidlet is fine but my bag goes flying through the air, twisting upside down and everything inside comes crashing to the ground.

We're talking pens, coins, random pieces of gum, receipts, car keys, work keys, granola bar, lighter, today's mail, notepad, McDonalds toy {hey it's a big bag} and worst of all.......tampons. Ya, I said it.. I'll say it again TAMPONS!! {oooh I bet my mom just got a cold shiver down her spine and she can't figure out why..to this day I have never heard her say 'tampon'}

So ya, my life is rolling around on the floor and I am nonchalantly trying to pick up all the odds and ends {keep in mind, there are parents everywhere picking up their kids} and my child, Bless his heart, seeing a tampon rolling across the floor, tries to be a helpful boy for mommy and proceeds to start chasing the escaping tampon across the floor yelling at the top of his lungs..

"Mommy!!! Your Bum-sticker is rolling away! I'll get it for you!!!"

The world stands still, everybody stops, turns and stares...... AT ME!

I'm sure I turned 23 shades of red and fervently wished for a natural disaster to occur..{nothing better to deflect attention than an earthquake right?} It is quiet enough to hear a kid fart in the next room. Through clenched teeth I quietly thanked Little J for being oh-so helpful and encouraged him to hurry up out the door.

I did not look back after the door hit me on the ass on my way out. I don't think I could bear the sight of all the 'cool moms' sniggering behind their perfectly manicured hands.

I hope they go home tonight and have to tell an inquisitive child what a 'bum-sticker' might be. *evil laugh*

Is 4.5yrs too young to drop them off at the curb in the morning??

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

More Make-over

Finally got a Yellow Snow pic!!

You likey?

Sorry to hit and run...too much to do tonight!

Monday, March 2, 2009

Pissed off Deities

At some point in this life {or as I beginning to suspect..a previous life} I must have really rattled some Deity's cup of tea because Karma is biatch and she's after me.

Remember my 'missing' license.....well it's not so missing anymore.

My darling husband comes up to me and asks me where his favorite Joe Boxer undies are. How would I know? I don't go near his laundry, especially his underwear {I've heard the sounds his arse makes in the bathroom.... I ain't going anywhere near that}
Hubby is convinced that I have purloined his precious pantaloons.

So to humour his cranky-ass, I start rooting through the laundry {I have laundry issues which are a whole other conversation} as I start on the 3rd basket..lo and behold! What should fall onto the floor? My damn license. %^##!!!!

I have spent countless hours on the phone with various government agencies, spent a butt-load of $$ and plenty of sleepness nights worrying about getting my ID in time to fly next month and not to mention worrying about identity theft.Worst of all, it was a pretty damn good picture!!!

And all along, it's been sitting all warm and cozy in my laundry pile{s}.

Somehere out there, some higher being is having a hearty laugh at my expense.

ps..hubby did find his underwear..it was in the wrong drawer. Dork-stick.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

People Suck

I generally like people. I really do. Which is probably a good thing seeing as how I work with the public 45hrs a week. But sometimes, people suck. I mean literally suck all the life and joy out of me. Why do some people have to be such assholes?

I try really hard to ensure that you have a pleasant shopping experience in my store.
I do my damnedest to make sure that you get the help you need. In case ya'll hadn't noticed, we are in hard economic times and companies have to cut expenses where they can. We can either cut back on labour or raise our prices..which would you prefer?

I understand that you are in a hurry and need help and when I tell you I have 2 associates on the floor currently with customers and that they will be with you as soon as possible that it's the best I can do? We're not standing there with our thumbs up our asses.. we're running around trying to help everyone. And no, I can't help you this very second, I'm helping the 3 people ahead of you. And no, when I am at the front of the store greeting you I am 'not doing anything'. I am directing customers where to go, providing security, paging associates to where I see the customers are going, answering the customer service phone, monitoring the cashiers, doing cash pick-ups and getting change. I have the password for over-rides at the tills and I have the keys for the high-ticket lockups. I am also dealing with any and all customer issues/concerns, looking up receipts,looking up stock, booking tech work, helping customers in the self-serve copy area and jumping on cash as a backup cashier.

I have a labour budget to meet every week. it's my JOB to meet my targets. Don't you think I'd schedule a shwack-load of people if I could? Cursing me out in front of my staff and customers does not get you better service. And yes, you are the 30th person today to tell me that I should have more staff on. You can call the customer complaint line at 1-800-EAT-SHIT.

To all you holier-than-thou assholes who treat others like shit...you can lick the sweat of my left nut. {well, I really don't have nuts but you get the idea}

Why is it that all you remember at the end of the day is all the shitty people? I had some great customers today, had some fun with them and made them happy. But it's the handful of ass-wipes that ruin your day.

Can you tell I had a crappy day at work? LOL! I really need to stop caring so much.
It's only a job right?

Kiss my Butt!!