Saturday, January 31, 2009

Pee Yer Pants Excited

Today is MonsterJam and to say Little J is excited is an understatement! He is practically vibrating. The Boy of a Million Questions is in fine form and let me tell you, I'm happy to go to work for a few hours to get some peace and quiet. He won't let me wear his earmuffs... "Mommy," he says in his best serious voice while shaking his hand at me "These are for little boys so they don't get hurt. You need to get your own. Safety first Mommy".

Came thisclose to smothering Big J with his pillow last night. Not only did he steal all the covers, he proceded to snore, snort and flop around on the bed like a dying trout. He wonders why I wake up angry....Doh! It's no wonder I'm exhausted. Sleeping is an extreme sport in my house.

The not smoking thing is going well, the saving money thing...not so well. I seem to have replaced the smoking habit with a venti white chocolate mocha habit. Good god, I have been to Starbucks more in the last week then in the previous year!

Good news is I gained 2 pounds this week . Bad news is I think it's all in my butt. Why not the boobies?? Why oh Why??

Friday, January 30, 2009

Too many babies!


The woman who gave birth to Octuptlets already has 6 FREAKIN KIDS???

I'm speechless.

People who like people

To everyone who take the time to comment..


That is all, carry on.

Friday Woot Woot

This week Friday is just another night I have to cook dinner. I work this weekend. BLECH!
And to top it off I have to work with the 'Lazy Dude'. Holy crap I want to poke him in the eye with my pen when I have to work with him. Is he really that stupid or does he just fake it to avoid being accountable? I may need to put some vodka in my water bottle. Actually that is a FABULOUS idea! I can imagine it now...

2 hours into my shift

Customer: Why is your manager standing on the service counter belting out Showtunes over the PA system?

4 hours into my shift

Customer: Why is that disheveled girl standing at the door crying and trying to hug me? She keeps saying "I love you man! I really really do!"

6 hours into my shift

Customer: Did you know there is someone barfing in the bushes outside the store?

8 hours into my shift

Customer: I think there's a dead person in your public washroom.

Good times I tell you, Good times.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Knock Knock

OK I can't go to bed on such a downer.. so here is a knock knock joke courtesy of Little J

Knock Knock.
Whose there?
Banana who?
Orange you glad I didn't say Banana?

And at this point he dissolves into a fit of giggles. Good thing he's cute or he'd never pull it off.

Midnight is the witching hour

AAHHHHH Why are the nights the hardest? I have to be AT work in 6 hours and haven't gone to bed yet. I want a smoke dammit! I'm ready to rip off this damn patch and chew on it! This quitting thing sucks ass. The first week was 'fun' and exciting and now the thrill is gone and it's just damn hard. I've tried quitting hundreds of times with acupuncture, medication, hypnosis, cold turkey, pregnant Why would THIS time be successful?

I have a picture on my fridge that I 'borrowed' from the security cameras at work . It's of an old woman who came in the store. She had an oxygen tank and line up her nose, couldn't walk very well, couldn't talk due to a trache in her throat. She had to use a cart to lug her tank and herself around the store. While shopping she had a massive coughing fit and I was seriously worried that she would drop dead. The kicker?....

She reeked of smoke and the first thing she did when she left the store was light up a smoke!!!

I printed her picture so that I see this woman everytime I want to smoke. I do not want to 'grow up' and be like her. No way in hell would I put my kid through that.

Wow, that was a morbid post wasn't it? I need to go back to blowing sunshine out my ass. Or at least go to sleep so I am somewhat smart for work. :)

Butt kicking

I am getting by arse kicked by Little J playing Wii. And I really am trying!!!

*hangs head in shame*

Dear Cat


I love you even though you are old, cranky and seriously overweight but if you don't stop peeing in my laundry hamper I will turn you into a pair of fuzzy slippers.

Your Human

Crazy kids

So we are going to Monster Jam on Saturday night. It will be Little J's first time. I hope he likes it. It's going to be very loud and he's um a pansy and he freaks out at the oddest things. We went today to buy him protective earmuffs. There goes $40 so my kid won't go deaf. LOL!

Now for the rest of the day he has looked for ANY excuse to put them on.."Mommy the car is too loud", "Mommy the dishwasher is too loud", "Mommy can I wear them in the bath? The water hurts my ears". And he wonders why I sit there and laugh. He also asked me to take his picture so he could show his friends at school.

I tried them on myself, I couldn't hear a damn thing. I liked it! I had a blessed 5mins of absolute silence. I may have discovered Nirvana. :)

Monday, January 26, 2009

Warm Fuzzies

The best part of my day?

Tip-toeing into Little J's room tonight to give him a kiss and to have a tiny voice mumble
"I love you Mommy"

Melts my heart.


Hot Damn! I have a follower!!!

*does the happy dance of joy*


...and to my husband who blog stalked me here.....

poo on you!

Stalking strangers

So, I've taken to following strangers who are smoking.

I was grocery shopping last night and a man in front of me in the parking lot sparked up a smoke. Oh the sweet sweet smell. And without me even realizing it, I started to follow him all the way to his car....which was on the opposite end of where mine was.

So whats next? I sniff random people as they walk by? Huddle on the outskirts of the smokers circle and inhale like there's no tomorrow?

I've become one of 'those' people. Creepy isn't it?

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Is it Monday Yet?

I am about 30 seconds away from locking Little J in his closet. I asked him to turn off Teletoon to watch AFV with us. Well you would think I asked him to burn his favorite blankie. The screaming, the crying, the throwing himself on the kitchen floor. Drama much? Oscar worthy I must say. Are all 4.5 year olds this damn hard????

This is quality family time at it's best.

Quitters can be winners

So, I have quit smoking. And my point? Holy hell I have quit smoking!!! I have smoked a pack a day for 25 years...this is a hard friend to say goodbye too.

I have not smoked in 6 days! I am so proud of me. And on the plus side, I have managed NOT to seriously maime or injure myself, my hubby or my kid. Granted, I am bitchy as hell and it's just best if I am left alone.

Instead of going outside to smoke, I will type. And if you want to read along, there are some rules..

1. spelling does not count

2. i'm not always funny

3. i will swear pissybuggerbitchshitdamnfuckmeupthegoatass.

Off to cook dinner for my family.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Darth Vader would be proud

I have been turned to the 'Dark Side'.

Yes, I am starting to blog. My family is tired of hearing my random thoughts, complaints and bitches so I need a new audience...TA DA! Found one. :) And if no one ever reads it? Oh well.

So off to compose the perfect blog starting will be a doozy.