You are lucky that I need your pay cheque to pay the bills because you came
this.close to being smothered by a pillow last night for the following reasons.
1. Your snoring. Good grief! The sounds produced by your 'breathing' could inspire
another Exorcist movie. How does a human being even produce such demonic sounds? It is so loud and obnoxious that you wake yourself up then you scratch your ass, roll over and promptly start snoring again. You snore so loudly that you have startled the damn dog who sleeps in an entirely different room. You suck.
2. Your farting. The smell emanating from your nether regions could choke a maggot. Seriously, you should get that checked out. You smell like rancid monkey poo. Must I sleep with a gas mask too?
3. Your bed hogging. You are not a big man. You should be perfectly fine on your half of the bed. I already share MY half with the 2 cats and that's ok because they are warm, fuzzy, purr and sleep around me. You however, do not. You instead roll over on me, smothering me and making my limbs fall asleep. You refuse to move even after many hissed "get the hell off Me's", vicious pokes, pinches and punches. What the hell is wrong with you??
And you wonder why I am so cranky??
Oh dont be RE-DICK-O-LOOSE - This is pretty disgusting but this is also something no one else in the world knows. You have been warned. SURPRISE! I do dumb stuff sometimes. Imagine t...
5 days ago