Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Survivor Schmoochie style

My name is Schmoochiepoo and I am a neglectful Blogger. It has been 3 days since my last Blog and I have not read anyone elses either. I know! I suck!

Little J's party was a success! {or at least in my mine it was} Everyone showed up! The weather gods pulled through for me and we had sunny weather even if it was a tad chilly in the shade. All the food was eaten. Ass-hat was a BBQing machine. I was fairly tipsy and refrained from beating any of the sugar-laden demon spawn tearing though my house.

We started late. I was starting to panic at 2:05pm when there were only about 5 people here. I'm really anal about punctuality and just assume the rest of the population is as well. Apparently not. It was almost 2:30 by the time all his school friends arrived. One poor parent calls "I'm at your address and it's a farm, I'm staring at a greenhouse with aluminum siding. Is this the place?" He had put 'avenue' instead of 'street' into his GPS and ended up in farm country! Poor guy. He was so frazzled when they arrived. I just handed him a beer. He's my friend for life now. :)

Of course, no Schmoochie party is complete without some dysfunctional family drama. My friends come just to see what my mother pulls out of her hat. I told her to be here at 1pm. Party starts at 2pm. She has some of the food. We waited until 2:45 to start eating. She arrived at 3:15pm. Not willing to accept that everyone is done eating, she proceeds to run around slapping potato salad on every ones plate whether they wanted it or not.

Then she closes the glass patio doors, {there are 2} which have been open so people could move freely inside/outside, because she was getting a draft. Not 2 mins later 3kids go crashing into the closed doors. Way to go Mom!

She anointed herself official cake cutter and I was too busy running around monitor her. I kid you not, she cut the cake that feeds 20 into about 50 pieces. Each piece was about an inch long and a quarter inch wide. Are you kidding me!?!? I started putting 3 pieces on plates to give to the adults. I just kept mumbling "my mom cut it, don't ask' as I was handing out plates.

When she wasn't chasing after Little J to put some socks on him she spent her time lecturing to my poor sister-in-law about how she's failing as a parent. My niece is 2months old. She went on and on about how she raised 2 kids and doctors don't know anything yada yada yada. I had to intervene as my SIL was near tears and I actually told my Mom "Shut the hell up and leave her alone. She's doing just fine and shoving your advice down her throat is not helping. How dare you lecture her on how to breast feed correctly when you bottle fed us!" Sadly, my mother didn't even blink and just kept right on talking. Brick, meet wall.

I used paper/plastic plates and cutlery for a reason. Not very environmentally friendly but EASY for me to clean up. I recycle. :) Anyways, my Mom pulled all the plastic stuff out of the bin and started to wash them. OUT OF THE RECYCLING BIN PEOPLE!! I'm all for renew, re use and recycle but geez, did you have to pull crap out of the garbage in front of company??

Little J received so many awesome presents, the kid got spoiled. My mom of course was horrified at the amount and started taking toys aside so we wouldn't open them. Her thought was to re gift them at a later date because LJ has toys already. She also carefully folded up all the tissue paper, which was fine but God forbid a piece got ripped in the opening of the gift.

One of Little J's favorite gifts was a super duper water gun. He gleefully filled it up and egged on by all the kids and some of the *cough* grown ups, went on a water gun rampage soaking anyone who stood still long enough. Mass panic and hysteria followed as people scrambled for cover.

One of the kids broke the ice dispenser in the fridge and it was spitting out ice all by itself at an alarming rate. I had 2 pans full of ice before we got it stopped. We couldn't let the ice go to waste now could we.....ICE CUBE FIGHT! Ass-hat got half a pan dumped down his back. hee hee. I chose this point in time to hide in the house. :)

I think the last of the guests left around 8pm. I really should be cleaning up the toy shrapnel that stretches from one side of the house to the other but hey, I got important blogging to do :)

It was fun, but a hell of a lot of work. Little J had a blast and that was all that mattered.

I have a few pictures, not in any particular order and avideo of J and his water gun at the end.


  1. That was so nice of you to promptly give the lost guy a beer...

    ...but I'm thinking it would have been better used on your mom. LOTS of it.

  2. Sounds like a truly awesome party. I'm glad Little J had such a good time. And no offense, but your mom sounds a lot like my SIL... and she is a total PITA.

  3. Glad the party was such a success. And all the other drama, well, that's just to keep things interesting.

  4. Yay for the weather being nice! that was one serious water gun!! Oh my goodess.... You will so be complaining about that soon! :)

  5. He looks like he had big fun (and the kids crashing into the door story because of your Mom was funny in a not so funny way. ) Great post.

  6. Looks like a great party! Love Little J's sweatshirt. It sounds like your mom kept you busy...

  7. Glad the party was a success... love the pictures!

    And don't feel bad - until today I didn't post or read any blogs for over a week. Yikes!

  8. You have such a cute little family...love that pic of you, hubby and Little J.

    Sounds like a great party...MY kind of party anyway...beer and chaos, just how I like it.

  9. I love your back yard. It is so green! I totally get the mom thing. It's nice to know that my mom isn't the only one who does that kind of crap, well when she can drag her crazy ass out of the house.