I'm baaaaaack.....

.......kinda..............

I am back from my trip safe,sound and full of new knowledge. Ok, maybe not the new knowledge part. :)

I hate flying, I hate turbulence and I hate people who hog the arm-rests. I am not a big person but that doesn't mean there is room for both you and I in MY seat! I believe it's a scientific fact that as soon as the drink cart gets half-way up the aisle that there will be major turbulence, the seat belt light comes on, the cart goes away, the flight crew straps down and I am left juggling a boiling hot cup of tea. The person in front of me will constantly put their seat back and forward, back and forward at least 15 times during the flight and the person behind me will continuously kick the back of my seat. Every time I have a window seat the people beside me will fall asleep and I will need to pee. I will then sit there clenching, trying not to think about how bad I have to pee and wait for them to wake up so I can climb out of my seat. I will arrive at my destination, disheveled, wrinkled, extremely cranky and sporting a fabulous migraine. I do not travel well.

Big J managed not to burn the house down while I was gone. He claims to be exhausted and traumatised from being a single parent for 3 days plus taking care of the cats/dog. Is he freakin kidding me!?!? He did not one stitch of housework while I was gone! When he goes fishing for a week at a time I manage just fine AND he comes home to a spotless house. Little J probably did not eat a single fruit or vegetable while I was gone. One would think that he would appreciate what I do around here and give me some sort of props for being awesome but no, I have boobies which makes domestication my job and he has a penis so he builds stuff.

So my biggest news is I AM AN AUNTIE!!!! My brother had his first child yesterday. A little girl named Ava. I am sooo excited! Now I can satisfy my big-ass bow cravings without having to make a girl of my own. I will see my new niece tonight and will post pictures. My mom and I bought their car seat and some supplies as they have ZERO clue on what they're doing. My SIL has 4 older sisters so I figured they would be helping her out but this is not the case. It was nice to finally unload the pack-n-play, fuzzy blankets, swing, bassinet, activity mat etc out of my attic. I've got some room up there now!

My laptop is still getting worked on. I sent it in for a dead battery and keyboard. They are replacing my hard-drive. WTF? I was having no trouble with the hard-drive but apparently it failed some sort of HP Smart test. Stupid me did not back anything up either.... pissybuggerbitchshitdamnfuckmeupthegoatass. I have requested that they send the old hard-drive back so I can transfer the data over. I will unfortunately lose my um 'un-authorized' version of Office Ultimate. Crap. I hope to have it back in another week or so. Until then I will be forced to post at un-godly hours such as 4:30am. Like I am now.

So I am banging away on hubby's desktop. I don't know how he uses this thing. It's so dang slow. I'm sure I could send smoke signals or use drums to get this message out faster. There is an unknown sticky substance all over the keyboard which I will assume is apple juice.

I got a whopping 3hrs sleep tonight and now it's time to wake up and get ready for work. Little J has a cold again and was up coughing and blowing his nose. I end up wide awake so of course the cats think it's time for food and they run around howling which gets the dog excited who starts to bark so I throw her outside. Chaos at my house at 3am and of course Mr Ass-hat sleeps through the whole thing. I have to send J to daycare even if he is sick as I can't call in 'sick'. I'm opening the store..who would I call? Yes, I am one of those horrible parents who sends their snotty kid to school to make your kid sick. If I kept J home every time he had a runny nose or cough he'd never leave the house and I would be un-employed.

I gotta go get ready for work...hope you all had a great week while I was gone and I will try to catch up on everyone in the next couple of days.

Pimpin' the Puppy

This will be my last post until next week. I am leaving on a jet plane for business meetings {and copious amounts of alcohol}. This year I will not fly home for 5hrs hung over. I repeat, I will not fly home for 5hrs hung over. Have you ever tried throwing up in those tiny airplane bathrooms? Ugh. Thank goodness everyone sitting near the bathroom was from our group and they were barfing too. :)

Lappy is going in for warranty repair to fix his battery, mouse pad and keyboard. 5 year olds are hard on the equipment! I should have it back by next week otherwise I will be forced to exchange sexual favours for use of husbands desktop. Not sure I want to go there..... sex makes babies! Did ya know that? I learned the hard way. A lifetime of responstibility for about 2mins of fun. {yep, 2mins including removal of required clothing}

But before I go, I leave you with a few pics of Tahoe pimping out her favorite hockey team. GO CANUCKS GO!!!!!






As I post this, said puppy is busily plotting her escape by digging hole beside the fence. She doesn't know how good she's got it. 3 square meals a day, a warm bed, lots of free slippers to chew and a clean-up crew. Why would she want to leave?

Little J talks to her like she's another playmate. I swear she understands him. She stares up at him, cocks her head to the side and barks when he's done talking. It's the cutest thing. Then Little J gets frustrated when the puppy doesn't do what he's asked her too. He stomps his feet and shouts "Mommy! The Dog isn't listening to me! Put her in time out and take away a toy!"

It works for the kid, why not the dog? :)


Take care and have a safe week!

Riddle me this....

How bad is your Blog when a Dog's Blog gets more traffic than yours? {and no, it's not my Dog, although I may pimp her out a little more to increase my numbers. Effective? Yes. Ethical? No.}

No laughing people, it could happen to you....

Granted, the Dog is hawt and funny but hell, I can't let a dog kick my blogging arse!

And comments.. the damn canine gets more comments..come on people, don't let me down!

My entire self-worth is depending on YOU leaving a comment. Do you really want to be 'The One' who doesn't comment and I go off the deep end in an itsy bitsy yellow polka dot bikini?

I may not be able to lick my own ass but I do know some cool tricks. With enough alcohol, I just may share them with you *wink wink nudge nudge*














;)

Odds n' Ends

Just a bunch of well, random bits that don't really mean a dang thing. I go into a hockey coma in the Spring. It's a yearly condition known as NHL Play-offs. There is Hockey Night in Canada on EVERY.SINGLE.NIGHT. This is better than sex. And did I mention the Playoff towels? I have a playoff towel from the last 10 years my team made it to the playoffs. It's one of those weird things that I collect. Don't you feel better knowing that?

We are transferring/backing up the thousands of pictures and videos from our desktop to an external drive because we are buying a new desktop. Oh my goodness. We spent about 2 hours just watching video's of Little J {you know the quick 30 second ones you get from your camera}. What a cute little toddler he was! There is one video of him at about 2.5 y/o and he's still got his big blonde curls and his daddy is asking him to say "Ravioli, Hospital, Oh My Goodness" and a few others. It is sweet enough to make my teeth hurt. Where did my cute little baby go? Why wasn't I paying attention.

Tahoe is getting BIG! She is now 19.4lbs at 10 weeks old. We should have named her 'Hoover' as everything near her gets sucked into her mouth. If she breaks loose from the kitchen she bee-lines it to the playroom, grabs the closest toy and books it back to the kitchen under the table to happily chew/eat her prize. Big J is quite pleased with himself as Tahoe knows several tricks and is still so young.



..and yes, I know I sound like a braying donkey when I laugh.

I've just started cleaning with vinegar and baking soda and I gotta say.. I am impressed! I was hesitant to give up my bleach, especially with a peeing puppy in the house but the bleach was killing the grout in my tile kitchen. And it's non-toxic

Crud...Big J and I just flipped a coin as to who would wash the dishes. I lost. I always lose. Bloody hell.

I will be out of town and without Lappy as he is acting up and his battery is dead so I am sending him in for repair while I am away. {Is it odd that I've named my laptop? What? Doesn't everybody?} So I may not be around for a few weeks. Try to miss me just a little please? Pretty please?

......Don't forget me while I'm gone {my heart will break}.....Guess the song and band and win a prize. The band was the first CD I ever bought, along with Billy Idol and Platinum Blonde. I love the 80's.

Have a good coupla weeks and stay safe.

Anyone want to come over and wash some dishes with me?

Ball Hockey is here!

Little J has started Ball Hockey. This is our first foray into team sports and well, we may need to adjust our expectations a tad. Band Camp really isn't that bad.....

Is it? I went to Band Camp and look at me.....perfectly phlucked up. Oh dear...

Little J has the attention span of 3.2 seconds {see Easter Post} so he spends most of the hour spinning in circles in the middle of the rink. He will take out someones eye if they stray too close.

He is the smallest player. Period. Even the girls are bigger! The division is for kids born in 2003/2004 so he is playing with 5+ year olds but still, he looks like a midget. {no offence to Little People}

He comes off the rink at least 4 times 'for a drink of water'. Ya-huh..how dumb does Mommy look?

He has no interest in chasing the ball, scoring goals or even stopping the ball when HE's in goal. Kinda defeats the purpose eh?

I'm fairly certain that the other parents are talking behind their hands about the little, un-co-ordinated, non-athletic but very cute kid on the other team. I swear I can feel the pitying stares. Fortunately, Little J doesn't seem to give a hoot that he sucks, so why do I feel bad?

I gotta learn to chill out. So he might not be some sort of athlete. It's not supposed to be about me. I need to support him no matter what he decides to do with his life. Something like becoming a drag-queen may take me some time to adjust though. :)

I just hope to god he's smart. I can't afford to send him to University on my own. I need scholarship $$$.

At least he's cute. If he learns how to use his baby-blues, he may be able to coast though life without a care in the world. {or employable skills}


Oh ya... and his team is the Delta Yellow Bananas. How freakin adorable is that??


Jock-head


In his uniform..it's so big it looks like a dress :)

Rabid Squirrels and The Easter Bunny

*WARNING* There will be lots of pictures. Deal with it. It's my Blog and I'll do what I want to. :) Sung to the tune of "It's my party (and I'll cry if I want to)



This year for Easter we were all home at the same time. Usually, Big J is off on his first fishing trip of the year, or I am working, but this year the lakes were still
frozen over {yipee} and I started vacation on Friday.

I planned to cram in as much Easter-fun as I could manage. Unfortunately, things never work out the way I plan.

Little J had his first Ball Hockey practice on Friday and um well, that will be a post all unto itself... anyways, we had a limited window of opportunity to colour Easter eggs. I had it all planned out in my head. All of us huddled around the table, taking turns dipping eggs and bonding as a family over a wholesome and fun craft. I apparently had someones elses family in my head.

There were tears, spilled dye, broken eggs, yelling and a child with the attention span of 3.2 seconds. We are not the poster family for Norman Rockwell. We managed to get some of them done before I stabbed myself in the eye with a fork.









On Sat we headed over to the Inlaws for an egg hunt and dinner at their place. Grandma had hidden plastic eggs a few hours earlier for when Cousin Em and Little J came over. Out we go to see what the Easter Bunny left us....

At first it all seemed normal then we got a closer look at the eggs...they were open and EMPTY! Some were cracked open and there were smarties scattered all over the yard. The rabid crazy squirrels had beat us to the eggs! The little bastards stole our dang chocolate!! Oh the horror! You'd think we had the Easter Bunny roasting on a spit over a roaring fire judging by the kids' reaction. Good thing the Easter Bunny had left the good stuff INSIDE the house. :) And the traditional Easter dinner at my Inlaws house in Chinese food. To which Little J asks "How can we eat Chinese food in Canada?". We told him we brought it in from China on a plane. He thought that was pretty cool.









*note the dog attempting to steal the eggs in the basket....



Sunday morning the Easter Bunny came to our house...first we had to find all 22 eggs

{the um, er, Easter Bunny dropped 2 in the hiding process}





Even Mr Fatty-Mc-Butter-Pants got into the action...



Little J mentioned that the EB didn't do a good job hiding because he found all the eggs so easily. "Mommy the Easter Bunny needs a lesson in hiding". Well geez..I had to make them easy to find. I wasn't about to lose any hard-boiled and raw eggs in my living room. It's not a pleasant smell when those babies start to rot. Don't ask me how I know :)

After finding all the eggs we could look for the 'Big Basket'

Found it!



He loved his stickers and sidewalk chalk. He didn't even notice there wasn't a whole heck of a lot of candy in it.

The Easter Bunny even left a present in Little J's room {ok ok, I forgot to put it in the basket the night before but J thought it was 'super-way-cool' that the EB snuck it in his room while he was sleeping. Why aren't kids freaked out by the thought of strangers sneaking into their bedrooms at night?}}



We headed out to my folks for Easter dinner there. We came back with one less person.
We seem to have left our child behind. :) Little J is having a sleepover for a few days so Mommy and Daddy can get some work done. Mostly so Mommy can have a mental health break. I love my child with every breath in my body and soul but dang, he drives me completely bonkers. He can drive Oma and Opa crazy for a few days and I'll head out and pick him up on Wednesday but for now, I am enjoying my kidlessness. I may even sleep in tomorrow. If the hubby lets me, he's a slave driver.

I hope everyone had a happy holiday!

HAPPY {Fill-in-the-blank}

Happy Easter!

Happy Passover!

Happy Visakhi!

Happy Easter Bunny!


Peace