Saturday, August 15, 2009

I will survive...

Dysfunctional Family ‘We’re Having Fun Dammit’ Trip 2009.

I’m getting old and soft. For some reason the thought of spending more than a few days languishing shore side watching Ass-hat fish from dawn till feakin dusk while keeping an eye on the roaming 5 year old , making sure the damn dog doesn’t hang herself with her 50ft tether line, cooking 3 square meals a day, washing dishes in dish pans, conserving every last precious drop of water, huddling under the covers with a tshirt of my head at night while braving blistering heat, ferocious winds and bone chilling cold just doesn’t seem like a lot of fun anymore. And did I mention the dust? Dust, dust everywhere. The kind of insidious dust that works its way into your teeth and other small orifices you weren’t even aware of until they had dust in them.
I’m sucking the last battery power in the trailer to power the laptop. I would sell my first born and only child for some Wi-Fi at this point. Or a shower, or a microwave.

Things I leaned while Camping.

1. Damn Dog likes to eat Poo. Duck poo, goose poo, cow poo, horse poo and kind of poo will do. {funny but poo shows up on my spell check as incorrect!}

2. My child is damn annoying. We are spending far too much ‘quality time’ together. Are all 5 year olds like this? The sound of his plaintive ‘wuhyyyyyyyyyyyy!’ grates on my last nerve. Love him to death but damn, we are not meant to spend this much time together without benefit of time out space for both of us.

3. Damn Dog loves to swim as evidenced by her dragging me into the lake. {she was still on leash}

4. After 6 days I don’t care if I never shower again.

5. Fire bans suck. Camping with no campfires sucks goat-ass. Gathered around a lantern huddled together for warmth just isn’t the same.

6. The upside of no campfires is no smelling like a burnt hotdog, downside is we smell like the bacon we had for breakfast. Everything smells like bacon. It’s too windy to cook outside.

7. Next year we’re going to Disneyland dammit.

8. Ass-hat would rather sleep with the dog than me. And you know what…that’s A-OK. He sleeps with the dog, I get the top bunk all to myself. It’s the best part of the trip.

9. Little J managed to pee and poop in every trailer in our group. That’s 9 trailers. I shudder to think about how much toilet paper is now in those black water tanks. Sorry ‘bout that folks….

10. Blueberry ring pops + fruit roll ups + gummy bears = green poop. This is what my child was depositing in everyone’s trailers. Again, sorry about that folks……

11. A sunburn/windburn really does keep you warm at night.

12. I read waaay too fast and ran out of reading material on day 5. I may have to resort to reading the backs of cereal boxes.


14. I skipped 13 because it’s an unlucky number.

15. I am almost desperate enough to take the truck and drive into ‘town’ I use the word ‘town’ loosely as really town is nothing more than a sani-station,a liquour store and a Dairy Queen.

16. I am insanely jealous of the folks who are leaving for home,Day 5. Ass-hat and I are currently in negotiations as to whether we leave on Day 6 {my vote} or Day 7 {his vote}. As much as I hate to say it, he may win. And he did. We left on Day 7.

So now that we are home, I have about a million loads of laundry to do, not to mention the damn dog needs a bath in the worst way. She's an entirely different colour right now..brownish/gray. And she stinks to high heaven.

Pictures to follow in a day or two, I have to find the dang camera.


  1. I am going to laugh about #2 on your list all day. Whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhy? Because you are so funny and so funny.

  2. Your family is not SUPER DYSFUNCTIONAL you are just SUPER HONEST.

    Would it bother you a lot if I said I got a pedicure today? ---running---

  3. The only reason I would consider camping is smores. No campfire = no smores = no way.

  4. Getting old is only in our mind.
    Age never prevented people from doing things:

  5. Sounds like you guys had a great time.....or NOT! Ha Ha. At least the dog enjoyed it. :) I have to say a lot of what you listed is why we dont' camp.... why put ourselves through the torture.

  6. No way for camping. Nope, not gonna do it and everything that you wrote confirms it more. When Greg wanted to go camping and he brought me to this very empty plot of land, lots of trees and nothing more, I asked, "What about a bathroom." He said, "Pee in the woods." I replied, "You should have written on your profile for that you wanted a woman who can pee in the woods. Not going to happen. I want a cabin." I love nature, but I love the comforts of living too. Give me a bed, bath, kitchen and then I'll go for hikes in the woods!

    Glad you're home and hilarious (and honest) post! Looking forward to seeing the pictures of your dream vacation. Hehe. Yeah, next time go to Disney. We took a Disney trip last Thanksgiving (I have it posted under my vacation button) - pros and cons. Lots of fun - M.U.C.H. better than camping. Lol.

  7. What is it with kids (or is it just boys) that must use every bathroom they come across...mine has a fascination with public potties...and of course he loved the trailer ones too! Can't wait to see pics.

  8. The worst thing about coming home from a vacation is all the d&#m laundry! I hate that!

    Welcome home.