About Last Night

Dear Ass-hat

You are lucky that I need your pay cheque to pay the bills because you came
this.close to being smothered by a pillow last night for the following reasons.

1. Your snoring. Good grief! The sounds produced by your 'breathing' could inspire
another Exorcist movie. How does a human being even produce such demonic sounds? It is so loud and obnoxious that you wake yourself up then you scratch your ass, roll over and promptly start snoring again. You snore so loudly that you have startled the damn dog who sleeps in an entirely different room. You suck.

2. Your farting. The smell emanating from your nether regions could choke a maggot. Seriously, you should get that checked out. You smell like rancid monkey poo. Must I sleep with a gas mask too?

3. Your bed hogging. You are not a big man. You should be perfectly fine on your half of the bed. I already share MY half with the 2 cats and that's ok because they are warm, fuzzy, purr and sleep around me. You however, do not. You instead roll over on me, smothering me and making my limbs fall asleep. You refuse to move even after many hissed "get the hell off Me's", vicious pokes, pinches and punches. What the hell is wrong with you??

And you wonder why I am so cranky??

Pee Yer Pants Excited

Today is MonsterJam and to say Little J is excited is an understatement! He is practically vibrating. The Boy of a Million Questions is in fine form and let me tell you, I'm happy to go to work for a few hours to get some peace and quiet. He won't let me wear his earmuffs... "Mommy," he says in his best serious voice while shaking his hand at me "These are for little boys so they don't get hurt. You need to get your own. Safety first Mommy".

Came thisclose to smothering Big J with his pillow last night. Not only did he steal all the covers, he proceded to snore, snort and flop around on the bed like a dying trout. He wonders why I wake up angry....Doh! It's no wonder I'm exhausted. Sleeping is an extreme sport in my house.

The not smoking thing is going well, the saving money thing...not so well. I seem to have replaced the smoking habit with a venti white chocolate mocha habit. Good god, I have been to Starbucks more in the last week then in the previous year!

Good news is I gained 2 pounds this week . Bad news is I think it's all in my butt. Why not the boobies?? Why oh Why??